Tips on Staying Connected with your Teen

Communication with children at any age is vital to building their self-confidence and necessary for strengthening family relationships.  Parents often feel teens won’t talk to them, and teens complain that parents never listen.  The key to remember for effective communication is that it is a two-way street, and that parents play an active role in fostering a safe, open pathway for dialoging with their kids. Communication should be open-ended, inviting responses that are more than one word answers.  For example, “Tell me about how the party went,” will encourage more of a response than “Did you have fun at the party?” Remember to listen to your child’s response without immediately interrupting her with your judgment or criticism.  Parents often spend the majority of their time giving orders and lecturing their children instead of talking with them.  This imbalance can discourage and alienate children, making them feel as though they will never measure up.  Remember to rephrase and clarify what your teen has said, validate how she is feeling (even if you don’t agree), and be encouraging and positive with the advice you give on the matter. Be available to your children when they need to talk.  Some conversations are too important to wait, and sometimes there may not be a second chance to influence your child’s decision.  If you really don’t have time to talk, explain by saying something like, “I’m really tied up right now, but come back in half an hour and we can sit down and discuss what is on your mind.” Respect the growing need for privacy with some teens.  There may be times when your teen does not want to talk about how they are feeling.   Respond by letting them know you understand when they may need some time alone, and that you are there for them when they are ready to talk. Most importantly, keep communicating with your teens, even if they don’t seem to be listening.  Talk about topics that interest them, respect and ask for their opinions, and let them know you believe in who they are. Establishing good communication strategies now will help parents stay connected with their teens.  An open pathway will encourage teens to seek parental guidance when they find themselves in tough situations, where some loving advice could make all the difference.